Dear Me…

(and all the women questioning everything in their lives)

Ok so I recently watched SexLife on Netflix, and OH MY GOSH!! It was absolutely mind blowing! (If you haven’t yet seen it, don’t worry because I won’t be revealing anything major.) But can we just sit back for a moment and let loose a little? Ok, before I begin, grab a glass of wine. You do not want to miss this one!

Ok so, What attracted me to this show was the fact that it’s about a woman going through some sort of life crisis. She is a wife and mom of two. She left behind her career and her old life to settle down and start a family. Ok how many of us fit this exact description? Right?! While I didn’t leave a career behind, so to speak, I did settle down and start a whole new chapter of my life! The relatability of what Billie (the main character) goes through is so high, you will literally think the writer of this show read your most personal thoughts! Yep.

So, I have to first start off by saying that I dislike the path she goes down to sort through her life crisis, but without revealing too much, she basically fantasizes non stop about the mind blowing sex she used to have with all the men before her husband, but specifically her kryptonite ex boyfriend. It’s hot, juicy, but so much drama!

Anywho, SexLife reminds of a cross between Sex and the City and 50 shades of Gray. With the amount of sex and nudity, it’s basically a soft porno. But with the narrating she does, while writing in her journal, it gives you all the Carrie Bradshaw vibes! It’s perfection in my opinion.

How many times have we, as women, fantasized about our lives before marriage and kids?! I’ve written about this so many times before. And for good reason! Because our natural feminine fibers miss the women we once were. Sure, you may be in a great place now, but some part of you yearns for that freedom of doing whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. Yes we love our husbands and our kids, without a doubt. But can a girl get nostalgic a little?

You still with me? Take a sip of that delicious wine in your hand. Trust me, you’re going to need it.

Remember those nights pulling all nighters in college studying for the big paper the next day? How about going out for a night on the town, staying up into the wee hours of the night? Saying yes to that night cap. Having wild adventures with that guy that you were crazy in love with. What a night owl I was back then. I miss the wild nights, the adventures, the freeness of it all. I wasn’t a huge party girl, but I do miss all the fun times I had. Who doesn’t?

And without getting into too much detail, the adventurous sex was pretty freakin awesome. I loved my body more, and felt so much more confident back then. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost a lot of that confidence after having a baby and not being able to get rid of the after baby weight. I mean, hell sometimes I look in the mirror and I get lost staring at myself. Looking at myself in the mirror, the woman I see, is unrecognizable.

Like Billie on SexLife I miss the thrill of it all. Yes, it makes life more exciting and adventurous and more free. Free to be who you are with the person you love most. I even miss the thrill of when you first start dating someone. When I first started dating my fiancé, we would stay up into the hours of the night, having the deepest conversations, watching movies, having wine, and I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. It was fun, it was exciting, also because we decided not to tell our families until we were more serious. So it being just the two of us was both nice but also fun. We had previously dated and wanted to see where this was going, and our love brought us back together. All of it was magical. But somewhere along the way my fiancé and I have lost some of the adventure of all of that. And we are working together to get it back. We both miss it and we both want it, with each other. But who says that it has to be lost in the first place?

That’s one of the most common disconnects I see in relationships and marriages. It seems like once people settle down and get lost in the routines of life, they also lose sight of themselves and their relationship get’s put on the back burner. But why does it have to? It doesn’t. I feel like people just become tired and complacent. Complacent to life’s hardships. And tired of trying.

It’s something I like to write about because I believe that deep down, people like to read this stuff and I like to write this for all my readers. Why? Because it gets you thinking. Like really thinking. Am I happy with my life? Do I want more? Is this enough? Will this be how it is for the rest of my life and am I ok with it?

I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to question it all. And anyone who ever told you that you should just be complacent or deal with the life you have, well that’s just toxic bullshit. It is. I’ll wait while you try to argue that one?! It’s funny, on the show, Billie and her husband go through all these issues, and their “friends” that also live in suburbia with them seemingly have this perfect life and shame Billie and her husband for falling apart. But then Billie does something pretty damn profound. She points out that at least her and her husband are real and raw, and owning their mistakes. That they are fixing their marriage instead of acting like everything is ok. And then Billie basically shames the other couples right back for being complacent bitches that are miserable in their marriages. It’s pretty awesome and downright hilarious. But you know what? It’s so immensely accurate.

How many of you reading this, fake your happiness? You may even be faking your happiness unknowingly. It’s crazy but so common. Instead of being complacent and unhappy, why not try to work through things, and be honest with yourself about what you really want and what your significant other really wants? Unfortunately too many people are scared to do this because they are afraid of what might unravel. Maybe you will find out you and your husband aren’t meant for each other afterall? It’s a painfully hard but humbling realization to come to terms with. But maybe you will find that it brings you and yours closer.

At the end of the shaming that Billie encountered with her suburbia “friends”, she basically left them speechless. They were all utterly shook and left pondering about their own marriages and lives.

This show could not have come at a more perfect time in my life. Why? Because I am sort of going through a life crisis as well. I mean, what if there is more to all of this? What if my unhappiness goes deeper than I want to think. What if I am meant for more and to do more in this life? These are all scary thoughts to have but profound ones, too. Cultural norms tell us to think a certain way and that questioning any of this is just not ok. But why? Who is anyone to tell us what type of thoughts we should have or how to question our lives? As women, we grow up with these certain barriers and this specific way of approaching matters in life. We are told to dress a certain way, and behave a certain way. It’s insane and unethical, when you really think about it.

But that’s what this is all about isn’t it? Conforming and complacency. But – I don’t choose to accept it. In fact, I never have. I believe I can and deserve to have it all. Is it selfish? Maybe. But you know what? We only get one magical life. One very short life. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being complacent? I sure as hell don’t. What about you?

Now, start thinking, get your mind buzzing with these questions or whatever questions you have for yourself. I want to hear it. Comment below.

As always, thanks for being here.