I recently found myself staring at the person in the mirror and not recognizing her. I didn’t recognize the sleepy eyes. I didn’t recognize the frown like appearance of her face. I didn’t feel like I was the person that I was staring back at in the mirror. I saw her. I felt her. But it just wasn’t me.
Long before I became a mom, long before I fell in love. The only existence in my mind was me. As it is for most of us before we settle down and have kids. I’m going to be blunt because I owe it to myself. What I have found to have changed is that I have become lazy with my way of being. I have neglected my body, my mind and my spirit. It’s as if life went on and I went with it. Only it wasn’t really me. When you fall in love you develop new habits. As you become a mother, you develop even more new habits. And with these new habits come a new way of being.
As my life went on though, I found my path constantly being interrupted. It was constantly being pulled in so many different directions. And with that, slowly went my mind and my spirit. As life went on, I became so overwhelmed and just didn’t know how to cope. So went my body. As I fell deeper and deeper into this rut and into this anxiety ridden life, everything slowly faded in me. Not that I didn’t have any control over this, because we all do. I think what happened was that I didn’t seek hope. I lacked taking control back. I was in control the wholetime; I just didn’t know what direction to go in. Where do I start? Who will help me? Why doesn’t anyone hear me? If only someone would just motivate me. If I just did this or maybe if I did that… STOP.
You see what happened there? I was seeking to blame everyone but myself. I was seeking help from everyone without even wanting to help myself. I know this. I realize this. I have acknowledged this. I just did absolutely nothing about this.
I am a huge supporter of the fabulous Ms Rachel Hollis. She speaks to me. She inspires me. She makes me want to be and feel alive again. I haven’t been living. I have been silently dying inside. I have been yearning for hope. Hope that I couldn’t find. I have been searching for the Jovi I once new and the Jovi who was once so in love with life itself. I once exuded confidence. I once radiated with joy. I’m slowly finding that Jovi again. And this is my journey. No one else’s. This is me trying to get back on the right path and not letting anything or anyone stop me. No one else wants your dreams more than you do. Rachel Hollis said that and it is so real.
I’m 28. I’m a mom. I’m in a committed relationship, I work a 40 hour a week job. I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend. But at the end of the day there is just me. And that is who I am. I’m Jovi.The first step I want to take to becoming a better me is to start working on my health. I feel like that is the first step we have to take in order to become better versions of ourselves. I want to feel good again physically and I want to feel good with my overall being. I know that when I start to feel good that’s when I start to thrive.
So to whomever may be reading this. If you are following me on my journey, stay tuned. I feel like 2019 is going to be my year. To start writing, to start working on myself and my personal well being. I’m ready to revamp my mind, my body and my spirit. Ready, set…here I go.